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Medical school admissions officers
will often emphasize that they don't care what you choose to write about in your
essay. They stress this because most writers try too hard to meet the
expectations of their imagined readers, discarding all of their own personality
in the process. Of course, there's truth in their advice: you should write with
the goal of expressing your own values and conveying the qualities most
important to you. But you must exercise your creativity with an eye toward the
themes and points that will justify your suitability for medicine. After all,
your ultimate goal is not just to stand out as a likeable person, but to obtain
admission to a medical school.
In addition to the challenge of
crafting a fresh take on standard ideas, you face the difficulty of integrating
multiple sophisticated themes into a single coherent piece. The themes can be
grouped into two basic categories: those that speak to your motivation for
becoming a doctor and those that demonstrate the characteristics and abilities
that qualify you for the profession.
As the founder of EssayEdge.com, the
Net's largest admissions essay prep company, I have seen firsthand the
difference a well-written application essay can make. Through its free online
admissions essay help course and 300 Harvard-educated editors, EssayEdge.com
helps tens of thousands of student each year improve their essays and gain
admission to medical schools ranging from Harvard to State U.
Having personally edited over 2,000
admissions essays myself for EssayEdge.com, I have written this article to help
you avoid the most common essay flaws. If you remember nothing else about this
article, remember this: Be Interesting. Be Concise.
Why Medicine?
Because people don't usually make
career decisions based on pure reason, it can be difficult to explain why you've
chosen the field you have. Moreover, your basic reasons probably look a lot like
everyone else's. In this type of essay, you'll have to develop your ideas
effectively and insightfully while emphasizing your uniqueness.
Medicine requires such a serious
commitment that few people stumble across the idea of pursuing it late in life.
It's very likely that you have always wanted to be a doctor, and that's not a
fact that you should hide. But don't offer your point in such a clichéd,
prepackaged way as to make your reader cringe. For example, you shouldn't start
your essay, "I have always wanted to be a doctor" or "I've always
known that medicine was my calling." Better to describe early experiences
and then let your interest unfold naturally.
Describing the direct impact a
doctor had on your life or the life of someone close to you can be an effective
way to demonstrate what draws you to medicine. A twist on the "patient's
perspective" approach is to describe a time when medicine failed to save or
heal someone close to you. The purpose of this tactic would not be to rail
against the medical profession, of course, but rather to show how a
disappointing loss inspired you to join the struggle against disease and
sickness.
How Are You Qualified?
The way to prove your qualification
is not to list attributes you believe you possess but to discuss concrete
experiences that show your abilities and qualities. As always, details are
paramount. The rest of your application has already summarized your
accomplishments and your activities. Show the reader what you did in concrete
terms, and again, highlight your active roles.
The experiences that demonstrate
your qualification are not necessarily distinct from those that explain your
motivation. You shouldn't plan on dividing the essay into two separate sections
for each, but rather organize the structure by topic and extrapolate insights as
they develop. It's important that you think of the essay as an integrated whole,
not as a checklist of questions you must answer.
Some degree of hospital experience
is usually expected, though it's more essential to the "testing your
interest" aspect we discussed in the last section of the course than to
your qualifications. The main point you're trying to convey here is that you
will work well with patients and in a clinical setting. Your shadowing
experience might overlap this material, but the emphasis here is on what you
learned through observation.
A strong research background helps
your case, because the laboratory is such an integral part of the medical school
experience. It's not possible to prove your intellectual capability through a
short description of your projects, so you should try to convey such intangible
qualities as creativity, initiative, and original thinking. Focus on your
contribution rather than your research topic. For example, you could describe a
situation where you recognized a flaw in a procedure and had the initiative to
show your supervisor how efficiency could be improved. No matter how minor your
contribution seems, it's better to focus on some tangible input that you had
than to describe the project as a whole. As always, the key is to delineate your
active role.
TOP 10 MEDICAL SCHOOL PERSONAL
STATEMENT WRITING TIPS
1. Don't Resort to Clichés.
Every year, medical school admissions officers read thousands of variations of
this sentence: "I want to be a doctor so I can help people." It's
undoubtedly true in most instances, yet it inevitably fails because it reveals
nothing unique about the individual applicant. If you demonstrate a penchant for
helping others by describing specific activities--community service, for
example--it will become unnecessary to declare that desire, as it will already
be clear. Every doctor helps people, so focus on the specific actions you have
taken.
2. Don't Bore the Reader.
Do Be Interesting.
Admissions officers have to read hundreds of essays, and they must often skim.
Abstract rumination has no place in an application essay. Admissions officers
aren't looking for a new way to view the world; they're looking for a new way to
view you, the applicant. The best way to grip your reader is to begin the essay
with a captivating snapshot. Notice how the blunt, jarring "after"
sentence creates intrigue and keeps the reader's interest.
Before: I am a
compilation of many years of experiences gained from overcoming the relentless
struggles of life.
After: I was six years old, the eldest of six children in the Bronx,
when my father was murdered.
3. Do Use Personal Detail.
Show, Don't Tell!
Good essays are concrete and grounded in personal detail. They do not merely
assert "I learned my lesson" or that "these lessons are useful
both on and off the field." They show it through personal detail.
"Show, don't tell" means that if you want to relate a personal
quality, do so through your experiences without merely asserting it.
Before: If it were
not for a strong support system which instilled into me strong family values
and morals, I would not be where I am today.
After: Although my grandmother and I didn't have a car or running
water, we still lived far more comfortably than did the other families I knew.
I learned an important lesson: My grandmother made the most of what little she
had, and she was known and respected for her generosity. Even at that age, I
recognized the value she placed on maximizing her resources and helping those
around her.
The first example is vague and could
have been written by anybody. But the second sentence evokes a vivid image of
something that actually happened, placing the reader in the experience of the
applicant.
4. Do Be Concise. Don't Be
Wordy.
Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but also confuses the important
ideas you're trying to convey. Short sentences are more forceful because they
are direct and to the point. Certain phrases, such as "the fact that,"
are usually unnecessary. Notice how the revised version focuses on active verbs
rather than forms of "to be" and adverbs and adjectives.
Before: My
recognition of the fact that we had finally completed the research project was
a deeply satisfying moment that will forever linger in my memory.
After: Completing the research project at last gave me an enduring
sense of fulfillment.
5. Do Address Your
Weaknesses. Don't Dwell on Them.
At some point on your application, you will have an opportunity to explain
deficiencies in your record, and you should take advantage of it. Be sure to
explain them adequately: Staying up late the night before the MCAT is not a
legitimate reason for a bad performance, while documented sickness could be. If
you lack volunteer hospital experience, you might point out the number of hours
you had to work to make college more affordable for your family. The best tactic
is to spin the negatives into positives by stressing your attempts to improve;
for example, mention your poor first-quarter grades briefly, then describe what
you did to bring them up.
6. Do Vary Your Sentences and Use Transitions.
The best essays contain a variety of sentence lengths mixed within any given
paragraph. Also, remember that transition is not limited to words like
nevertheless, furthermore or consequently. Good transition flows from the
natural thought progression of your argument.
Before: I started
playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult
pieces. I began to love music.
After: I started playing the piano at the age of eight. As I learned to
play more difficult pieces, my appreciation for music deepened.
7. Do Use Active Voice
Verbs,
Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in which the subject receives the
action expressed in the verb. Passive voice employs a form of the word to be,
such as was or were. Overuse of the passive voice makes prose seem flat and
uninteresting.
Before: The lessons
that have prepared me for my career as a doctor were taught to me by my
mother.
After: My mother taught me lessons that will prove invaluable in my
career as a doctor.
8. Do Seek Multiple
Opinions.
Ask your friends and family to keep these questions in mind:
Does my essay have one central
theme?
Does my introduction engage the
reader? Does my conclusion provide closure?
Do my introduction and
conclusion avoid summary?
Do I use concrete experiences as
supporting details?
Have I used active-voice verbs
wherever possible?
Is my sentence structure varied,
or do I use all long or short sentences?
Are there any clichés, such as
"cutting-edge" or "learned my lesson"?
Do I use transitions
appropriately?
What about the essay is
memorable?
What's the worst part of the
essay?
What parts of the essay need
elaboration or are unclear?
What parts of the essay do not
support my main argument?
Is every single sentence crucial
to the essay? This must be the case.
What does the essay reveal about
my personality?
9. Don't Wander. Do Stay
Focused.
Many applicants try to turn the personal statement into a complete
autobiography. Not surprisingly, they find it difficult to pack so much
information into such a short essay, and their essays end up sounding more like
a list of experiences than a coherent, well-organized thought. Make sure that
every sentence in your essay exists solely to support one central theme.
10. Do Revise, Revise,
Revise.
The first step in an improving any essay is to cut, cut, and cut some more.
EssayEdge.com's free admissions essay help course and Harvard-educated editors
will be invaluable as you polish your essay to perfection. The EssayEdge.com
free help course guides you through the entire essay-writing process, from
brainstorming worksheets and question-specific strategies for the twelve most
common essay topics to a description of ten introduction types and editing
checklists.
SAMPLE ESSAY
His eyesight was almost completely
gone, yet there he was on the diamond. I met Jason last summer in Chicago, where
I volunteered at a tournament for Beep Baseball, a baseball-like sport for the
visually impaired. He was my age--handsome, friendly, and athletic. But Jason
was blind. Struck by glaucoma, he had begun to lose his vision in his early
teens. By high school, he had become legally blind. My sympathy only intensified
when I learned that, had his disease been diagnosed earlier, he almost surely
would have retained partial vision. Financially strapped, Jason's family had
avoided taking him to a doctor for as long as they could; when he finally
visited a physician, it was too late. For years I had planned to work in
technology, but my encounters with Jason and others like him convinced me that
medicine is my true calling.
Actually, growing up I had always
planned to become a doctor, but my goals changed as I began to take computer
science classes at [COLLEGE NAME]. In the first meeting of my sophomore-year
class on Programming in Artificial Intelligence, Professor B joked, "You
know those movies where killer robots eventually take over the world? Believe
them." I did just that, placing my trust in the vast opportunities offered
by computer programming. In my first computer course, I created applications
that could beat a human in tic-tac-toe, calculate complex mathematical problems,
and even converse with humans on a specified topic. Fascinated with the
potential of these programs, I embarked on a different path, away from clinical
medicine. I saw a world in which computers would change and even replace
processes in every industry, and I wanted to join the researchers at the
forefront of this revolution.
Five years after that first class,
the potential contribution of computer technology still inspires me. The
possibilities are astounding. Scientists mapped the human genome years before
their original deadline. Nanotechnology promises to revolutionize the way we
detect and cure diseases. Still, the more I learn about technology, the more I
recognize its inadequacies. Although the "psychologist" program I
created faithfully reproduces human responses, I discovered that I would never
want to speak with a computer about my problems. Certain interactions simply
demand personal contact. As I have tutored underclassmen in math and science,
worked with athletes in the Special Olympics, and visited with patients as a
volunteer at Northwest Community Hospital, I have realized that the human
element in such relationships is irreplaceable. While technology may shape the
future of mankind, only humanity can touch individual lives.
Jason's story touched mine,
confirming my growing sense of the deficiencies in science and technology.
Advances in medical knowledge and techniques are useless without parallel
progress in healthcare accessibility, widespread education about health issues,
and most importantly, strong doctor-patient relationships. The revolutionary
treatment methods I imagined myself inventing might never have an impact on
patients like Jason. On the other hand, the dedication of just a few volunteers
allowed him to play the sport he had always loved. Science could not fix Jason's
eyesight, but supportive doctors, volunteers, and friends could help him live a
fulfilling life. Spending time with him and others convinced me that, in
addition to my research in medical science and technology, I wanted to work
directly with those whose ailments cannot currently be cured.
I have thus circled back to my
original path towards medicine, with no regrets about the scenic route that led
me here. Indeed, I am confident that I will make good use of my computer science
skills as I research potential advancements in medical technology. This summer,
I began work as a research assistant to Dr. C at Northwestern's Buehler Center
on Aging. With Dr. C, I am developing a computer program that determines the
"quality of life" of terminally ill patients. By compiling physician
diagnostics and patient responses to questionnaires, the system assesses the
value of given treatments as well as the efficacy of specific pharmaceuticals.
Through this project, we hope to understand and improve the current care of the
terminally ill. After watching Dr. C and other doctors at the medical research
facility, I can now declare with confidence that I want to follow their example
in my own career, combining clinical practice and research.
My work on the "quality of
life" evaluation project gave me a perfect opportunity to fulfill this dual
goal, and I look forward to a lifetime spent on similar pursuits. Yet I will
never forget that the seeds of my current ambition arose not in the laboratory
or at the health center, but on a baseball diamond filled with people playing a
game they likely thought they would never play again. In my own career as a
physician, I will strive to serve my patients not only as a healer, but also as
a friend, supporting them in their toughest moments, and as a mentor, guiding
them to live healthy lifestyles. Robots may assist in my endeavors, but they
will never possess the compassion of my fellow physicians and me.
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